Hiatus

Today Daisy and I are off for our two week road trip from San Francisco to Las Vegas!

After a rough quarter that had me feeling extremely overwhelmed, I'm more than ready to hit the open road and see what adventures traveling has in store for us this time.

One of the best parts about embarking on a new journey is the chance to disconnect, reflect and have different experiences than what you know in your day to day. I have reached a point that I really need to do all of these things and figure out where I'm heading.

Sans laptop, I'm heading to California to tune into myself and find what I really want this balance to be all about.

All I know is that it will definitely always involve travel. There is nothing better than going out to explore the unknown. Except maybe coming back home to share it with everyone you miss while you're gone.

I'll be back to share soon!

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Overwhelmed

Over the past few weeks--maybe even months--I haven't been feeling quite like myself. Some of my actions have caused me to second guess what I'm doing and where my life is headed.

When all of my friends were freaking out about graduation last year, I rest assured knowing I still had the bonus year of my 5-year Master's Program to look forward to. But now that time seems to be ticking away faster than I can keep up and there's only two quarters left of my college career, it's my turn to panic.

The worst part about all of this added stress is the fact that it seems to be self-inflicted. Of course school brings on all of its regular moans and groans, but all of my outside worries and fears seem to stem from my own mistakes and self-created anxieties.

Take for instance, trying to change my major with only two quarters left of school. Prompted by my video and multimedia work at RedEye, I decided to take broadcast journalism for a spin. I learned quickly that this is not the kind of thing you can just dive into! 

Luckily I figured out it wasn't for me before I got too involved and have since decided to refocus my efforts back to print/online journalism with an emphasis in multimedia storytelling techniques & blogging. Since this realization, I've been a lot more centered and am looking forward to applying for new internships in freelance travel writing and web producing for Winter Quarter.

Beyond the professional, my personal life has also become a cause of stress and uncertainty. In this crazy transition stage of my life, I feel like I'm at a crossroads with what I want for myself and unfortunately, I was dragging someone else along on that roller coaster ride far longer than he ever deserved to be on board.

While I don't regret any minute of our beautiful time together, I know that to truly get better and find my way, I need to take some time to tune into myself. It's time to breathe and reboot--all by myself. 

There is still no certainty for what life has in store, but I'm looking forward to keeping calm & carrying on with whatever comes my way.

Marathon Training: Discipline

I will run this track in 3 days. Holy shit.

As I was showing my friends the "everything you need to know" guide to the marathon yesterday, I started getting extremely nervous. 26 fucking miles. 

Admittedly, my longest run has only been 15 miles. Tried to make 20 happen and it just didn't get there. I've told that to a few runners and they look at me with that, "Ooooh, well I'm sure you'll be okay..." judgmental face and all my confidence goes out the window. 

This got me thinking about discipline. Have I not tried hard enough? Would I be nervous if I had stuck exactly to the plan? 

I've never been the most disciplined person. I knew that would be my biggest struggle in completing this marathon, but I was determined to work hard and maybe, finally be an organized, put together and all-around "better" person.

Turns out I'm still kind of a hot mess. Well, a little better than that, but definitely still a work in progress. Not just in running, but kind of in life in general. I always feel like I could be doing better, that I should be disciplining myself more and constantly working towards being that perfectly-balanced person I, oh so badly, want to become.

Said person, do you even exist? 

But I always seem to give into those little indulgences. As hard as I've tried to condition my life to fit in all of these things that I think I'm supposed to do, I always seem to give into the impulses and temptations that surround me every day. There's always some justification--"I have a lot of work to do today; I'll just run extra long tomorrow," or "I mean [random friend] only turns 23 once, I suppose I can go out for a drink and finish this assignment after"--that leads me away from the written out plan I like to call my to-do list. 

Some people question how I manage to do everything I do. How do I fit in so much? 

So why do I never feel like I'm doing enough? Always my own toughest critic. 

To keep myself positive these next few days, I need to stay focused on the reason why I decided to do this in the first place. 

Working at the finish line for the 2011 marathon, I saw people in every shape, color and size cross that line. Blind people; disabled people; even people with no legs at all. 

It was one of the single most inspirational things I have ever seen and apparently it turned me into a  crazy person because it was that day that I decided I'm going to cross that finish line too. 

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Bloglovin

Just joined Bloglovin! Not sure why I never had before, but you should scope it out: Follow my blog with Bloglovin.

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Balance is Beautiful

Paging through The Five Book by Dave Zadra, I came across this little reminder to stay balanced.

Definitely needed this inspiration on a Monday! P.S. Don't mind my alien thumb...

Finding a Balance...

...is a hell of a lot harder than I want it to be.

As much as you try to plan things out and find a happy medium between everything, there is no denying that life just likes to get in the way sometimes.

Whether it's midterms or a tough break-up, it's very easy to lose focus of everything you set out to do.

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This post is more for myself than anything...just to give some perspective into what I truly want to do and what kind of balance I actually want to have.

With four full weeks left of my undergrad career, I'm not as concerned with planning out every detail quite yet--it is the season for grad parties, tough finals and goodbyes after all.

But when summer hits, I've got some big goals (including really getting this blog to take off!) and I wanted to share them so I'd maybe have some sort of standard to hold myself to...

GETTIN' IT TOGETHER - SUMMER 2012

Running
My no bull-shit, stop-making-excuses training start day is quickly approaching (June 11) and I will truly have to dedicate myself to getting in shape for the Chicago Marathon in October. I'm kind of nervous seeing as how my true laziness has really shown itself these last couple months, but I just have to keep my eye on the end goal!

RedEye
Landing this internship at the RedEye is an absolute dream come true! I can't wait to continue growing as a writer at a publication that I love to read.

Build a Balance
This baby has been in the works for quite awhile and I'm excited to have more time to pour my heart&soul into it.

Music

This beautiful guitar taunts me day in and day out. All I want is to be able to pick it up and belt something out, but it usually ends in me walking away with disgust because I don't even know where to begin. 

Not only am I dying to learn, but I also kind of owe it to my family seeing as how my Dad owns a guitar shop...it's just kind of shameful that I can't play.  

With a little extra free-time that won't have to be spent doing homework (ooh sweet summertime), I definitely want NEED to dedicate it to learning how to play this bad boy. 

Also under music, I'm including: FESTIVALS. Definitely going to need some fun to add into the balance. I already have tickets to Lollapalooza (first-timer!) and need to get on snagging a pass for Spring Awakening too!

Along with these core-four, I can't wait to see what else the summer has in store...